Secrets I’ll Keep From My Daughter
There are some things I will never tell my daughter.
She just turned seven months old and I find new things to love about her every single day. She’s got eyes as bright and blue as the western sky and a smile that lights up the room. Her dimples are placed most perfectly in the roundest cheeks. With all I have, I want to give her the very best I possibly can.
And that is why I must keep some secrets to myself, close to my heart and away from hers.
These Five Things
5. I am afraid for you.
The world is a frightening place. We live in a world where wrong is accepted and right is neglected. Where beauty is measured by mirrors and is altered by filters. In this world you’ll discover gossip and lies and hypocrisy. You’ll find that your values are shared by few, scrutinized by many.
The road of life is an unpaved one. You’ll have to fight your battles; I won’t be able to fight for you.
You’ll have to be strong, and baby girl, as long as you wish it, I’ll be there beside you. Encouraging you. Rooting for you. Believing in you. Being strong for you, in spite of my fears.
4. I will struggle to let go.
Can’t you stay young and in my arms forever? Too soon you’ll be running out the front door, facing the world with your fierce mind and brave spirit.
I’ll try not to blink.
My daughter, I want you to look ahead with valor, with dignity and grace. I won’t hold you back from the future that is yours for the taking. Life isn’t about avoiding bruises; it’s about going all in and coming out with the scars to prove it.
I’ll let you live, and that means letting you make mistakes and experiencing failure. I’ll struggle to let you go, but I will. I promise.
3. I lose sleep over you.
Probably, I always will. Even after you are out of your crib, after you no longer need me to hold you when you wake up in tears. Even after you outgrow monsters and nightmares. I will still lose sleep.
Some nights, when you’re older, I’ll be troubled, worried, apprehensive…wondering if you’re okay, wherever you are.
Why? Because you’re mine. You’re my girl and always will be.
2. I fight internal battles daily.
I’m not as strong as I desire to be. I wrestle with anxiety and it has only gotten worse after becoming your mother. It’s nobody’s fault; it just is what it is.
There’s so much I can’t control but wish I could! My mind is plagued…it’s a whirlwind of analyzing, solving, perfecting, overthinking. I fall prey to self-doubt and regret. It’s not always a bad thing, though; I am who I am and I’ve learned much because of it.
But you won’t know all of my struggles. The battle is mine to fight; why should it ever be yours?
1. I think you’re absolutely perfect.
I’ll never tell you, though. You’re not perfect, and you never will be. You’ll let people down. You’ll make mistakes. And you’ll find that although some things come easy for you, there are many things that do not. But that’s life. You’ll have to learn that–sometimes, the hard way.
God allows beauty to shine through ashes and you’ll grow to know it.
You’ll learn that you’re perfectly imperfect. I’ll teach you this.
Because, my daughter, you truly are.