Secrets I’ll Keep From My Daughter

Secrets I'll Keep From My Daughter

 

Secrets I’ll Keep From My Daughter

There are some things I will never tell my daughter.

She just turned seven months old and I find new things to love about her every single day. She’s got eyes as bright and blue as the western sky and a smile that lights up the room. Her dimples are placed most perfectly in the roundest cheeks. With all I have, I want to give her the very best I possibly can.

And that is why I must keep some secrets to myself, close to my heart and away from hers.

These Five Things 

5. I am afraid for you.

The world is a frightening place. We live in a world where wrong is accepted and right is neglected. Where beauty is measured by mirrors and is altered by filters. In this world you’ll discover gossip and lies and hypocrisy. You’ll find that your values are shared by few, scrutinized by many.

The road of life is an unpaved one. You’ll have to fight your battles; I won’t be able to fight for you.

You’ll have to be strong, and baby girl, as long as you wish it, I’ll be there beside you. Encouraging you. Rooting for you. Believing in you. Being strong for you, in spite of my fears.

4. I will struggle to let go.

Can’t you stay young and in my arms forever? Too soon you’ll be running out the front door, facing the world with your fierce mind and brave spirit.

I’ll try not to blink.

My daughter, I want you to look ahead with valor, with dignity and grace. I won’t hold you back from the future that is yours for the taking. Life isn’t about avoiding bruises; it’s about going all in and coming out with the scars to prove it.

I’ll let you live, and that means letting you make mistakes and experiencing failure. I’ll struggle to let you go, but I will. I promise.

3. I lose sleep over you.

Probably, I always will. Even after you are out of your crib, after you no longer need me to hold you when you wake up in tears. Even after you outgrow monsters and nightmares. I will still lose sleep.

Some nights, when you’re older, I’ll be troubled, worried, apprehensive…wondering if you’re okay, wherever you are.

Why? Because you’re mine. You’re my girl and always will be.

2. I fight internal battles daily.

I’m not as strong as I desire to be. I wrestle with anxiety and it has only gotten worse after becoming your mother. It’s nobody’s fault; it just is what it is.

There’s so much I can’t control but wish I could! My mind is plagued…it’s a whirlwind of analyzing, solving, perfecting, overthinking. I fall prey to self-doubt and regret. It’s not always a bad thing, though; I am who I am and I’ve learned much because of it.

But you won’t know all of my struggles. The battle is mine to fight; why should it ever be yours?

1. I think you’re absolutely perfect.

I’ll never tell you, though. You’re not perfect, and you never will be. You’ll let people down. You’ll make mistakes. And you’ll find that although some things come easy for you, there are many things that do not. But that’s life. You’ll have to learn that–sometimes, the hard way.

God allows beauty to shine through ashes and you’ll grow to know it.

You’ll learn that you’re perfectly imperfect. I’ll teach you this.

Because, my daughter, you truly are.

 

 

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10 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness this is beautiful! It is so incredibly difficult to calm our fears as mothers. I love that we are given the grace to see that we are perfectly imperfect.

  2. What a sweet post ❤️ It’s especially hard to be afraid for our kids but still encourage them to grow and explore. You are so right that we keep that from them and hope for the best. I love the perfectly imperfect!

  3. Talisa

    So beautiful, and so honest, Savannah!

    “Can’t you stay young and in my arms forever? Too soon you’ll be running out the front door, facing the world with your fierce mind and brave spirit.” My mom didn’t want me to grow up either😃She’s forever reminiscing about how sweet of a baby I was and “why didn’t I stay a baby”. Jokingly, of course.😁

  4. Eric

    Savannah,

    You have a gift of both writing and caring. You’re a planner and look to protect that precious child for what the future may hold. These are all wonderful things and I love and commend you for them. Just remember that the future will come soon enough. Love and cherish the mommy-baby times and put aside worries for a period of time each day. You and Brenton are doing a wonderful job!!

  5. I can totally relate to this. I try so hard to manage the images that filter through her eyes, but it’s impossible. The best I can do is be a good example and let her know that her beauty is within her.

  6. I love this. I can definitely relate. You’re not alone in your feelings. The love of a mother for a child is true unconditional love.

  7. Heather Gallagher-Martino

    Beautifully written and it spoke Volumes about that Love we as mothers feel so deeplt towards our children❣

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